Why I Hate Java

Programming with Java is aggravating. You find an object method that solves the very problem you had, but no, you can't use it. Instead, you have to take your variables and dip them in other object methods like baths, changing the data into the right format so that therefore, perhaps one day, young man, you might be good enough to use that exciting object method that gets it all done. And by the way, those other object methods along the way are poorly documented or can so often be used improperly, not giving you the result you want. This also makes Java teams longer to turn anything out because they're messing with this junk all the time, or typing in 14 lines of code where I might be only typing in 2 lines of code in PHP. Next, Java teams tend to sit in meetings two or three times as long as PHP teams while the Java guys talk about the minutiae of OOP to the point of making everything an object, including the customer's toe lint if you could get away with it. Java is like Sun's idea of a really bad hoax on the programming community. Oh no, that was vi and Solaris! My goof.